I’m not supposed to be here

My husband forbade me from starting a blog.  No really.  He makes fun of blogs so much and talks shit about “all those women with blogs.”  Says they are a waste of time, an echo chamber, unreliable, repetitive, etc… Like most white men, he’s not really aware that everything every other person does isn’t necessarily for his pleasure.  I love the guy, we’ve been together nearly 10 years and we have 3 kids, but sometimes my desire to smash the patriarchy lands squarely on his perfect, broad, hairy chest.

But… I don’t have a job. I am the adult who is in the house 99% of the time when the kids are home.  I had three kids, worked at credit unions for as long as I had to, and then promptly quit to spend my days with my babies.  It’s a sweet fucking set up and I think all these women out there falling all over themselves to either justify how they spend their time, or writing endlessly about the daily struggles of staying home with their kids are stealing their own joy. 

True: being the primary, full-time, caregiver for your kids is super exhausting.  And lonely.  And if you are living in poverty, it is BORING and guilt inducing and can make you nuts. 

Also true: not having to go to work is pretty nice.  As someone who DID work her ass off, full-time, for over a decade before I quit, it’s really nice not having a boss and business expect things of me.  Once I had children and a husband and a home, I just couldn’t bear that SOMEONE OR SOMETHING else needed something from me.  

There’s a lot to explore on this topic, but let’s for a moment, acknowledge the privilege of all these white, straight, Christian, middle class women who get to not work.  

Ok, acknowledged.  You are all super #blessed and lead charmed lives.  Now take a bubble bath or leave the dishes in the sink every now and then, my goodness. Stop it with the delusions of grandeur and come back down to earth.  All these blonde wasps are pinteresting themselves into a tizzy, and while I hate to admit it, my husband was probably right.  

Maybe I shouldn’t have a blog.  Maybe I don’t belong in this same hemisphere. I can’t create a bio that says “Lover of Jesus, wife to C, mom to three. Clean freak who loves to bake, never swears, and weighs 120 pounds.  Come follow my curated life for your daily helping of inspiration and motivation!!!”

No, my bio will read something more like this- “Over-educated woman who got knocked up thrice,  married to the guy who put a ring on it, lapsed cafeteria catholic, size 16, addicted to my iPhone.  I love to eat, drink beer, kiss babies, and my specialty is making to-do lists and never finishing them.”

I have no idea what I am doing and I suspect most of us feel that way too.  Come with me on my journey through consciousness and awareness!  I hope I can make you laugh, make you cry, make you think, and make you feel not so alone. 

Oh and P.S.- I found out that my husband is a guest writer… FOR A BLOG 😂

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